And now it’s out there

I haven’t been writing for T-Lex very much lately.  Okay that’s obvious, but what I mean is, I haven’t been writing T-Lex in my head at all either.  There’s lots of stuff usually spinning around in my head that’s gearing up for a T-Lex post, but lately it’s been supplanted.  The reason is that I’m working on a different writing project.  It’s taking up most of my days lately.  I’ve been writing for hours and hours, and I’m determined not to stop until its finished.  Doesn’t that sound scary?  It does to me.  It’s bigger than anything I’ve ever written, and it’s consuming most of my thought processes.  A bit overwhelming actually.

And yet… it’s not like I haven’t felt like this before.  From the time I was about eight years old, all I wanted to do was write.  All through school, I wrote and wrote. Story after story.  I remember sitting in grade 10 history in the mornings and writing out a story, while my seat mate read the words over my shoulder as I put them down on paper.  As soon as I could stop paying attention in class, out came the notebook and the current story.

Then somewhere, during university I think, I stopped.  Of course I wrote papers, and presentations, and exams… and websites.  But I stopped writing stories, unless they were for an assignment in a creative writing class (and those I did write I didn’t like, nor did the teacher – in classes people liked my poetry better, believe it or not).  I stopped writing stories for myself.  There was always something in the way.  Life does that I guess.

Then last week, almost abruptly, there was nothing standing in the way anymore, and I began to write.  It was quite shocking actually, and I admit I may have had a bit of a panic attack on or around Thursday night.  There’s something terrifying and exhilarating in the thought that I could, if I chose, dedicate the next two months to writing.  Every day, just sitting down with my tiny ancient iBook and banging out page after page.  Again, overwhelming… I choke up a little bit just thinking about it.  Luckily for me, Thomas is always there to tell me that my choices are okay.  Everything is okay.

And truthfully it is.  Everything I’m doing right now – all these things that I used to do, the making, the writing, the sketching, that used to be such integral parts of how I defined myself, that I’m just now really getting back to – is making me feel more at peace than I can remember being.  I know, talking to me these days, reading what I put out there – it’s such an annoying love-in isn’t it?  I apologize.  But I know if I don’t stop from time to time, if I don’t put this stuff out there so that I can revisit it later, if I bury myself completely in these things that I love so much, that life will swoop in again without me noticing.  And this moment, these peaceful days, with my husband, my work (MY work), and of course our absolutely ridiculous dog, deserve recognition – no matter what other great things might come next.

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  1. By Hubert on July 30, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    predetermined@audit.secretariate” rel=”nofollow”>.…


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